By Lynne Calkins
What is a ‘Bereavement Safe Zone’?
It’s 5 PM on a Tuesday evening. We’re sitting at our computers, strangers from all over the US, staring at faces in little boxes on our Zoom screens. We’re anxious, nervous, frightened to talk about the death of our loved ones. Who are these faces? What are their stories? Are they hurting as much as I am? Will I be able to talk about it?
The one thing we all have in common: our loved ones died using medical aid in dying (MAiD).
Where can you go to talk openly and freely about your emotions around losing your loved one who used medical aid in dying?
Right here.
Escape Loneliness and Isolation
There is no other safe place for us to go in California to share our grief with other sons, daughters, husbands, wives, partners, siblings, best friends of that special someone who, terminally-ill and just wanting a peaceful death, chose to use MAiD. End of Life Choices California offers a virtual MAiD Bereavement Support Group that is a pathway out of loneliness and isolation.
About the Group
Every other week, sons and daughters, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, and best friends come together from all over the US to introduce us to their loved ones and share their stories with the group. The group is asked to take a deep journey into their experiences so they can gain greater meaning and work through any difficult issues. Participants decide what they want to share, ask questions of the EOLCCA facilitator, and hear others who know and understand how they feel. The group meets for four sessions.
Please Share
Although June 9 marked the eighth anniversary of the California End of Life Option Act, less than 25 percent of Californians are even aware that MAiD is an end-of-life option in our state. Similarly, when a loved one is suffering horribly and chooses MAiD to end that suffering, it can be difficult for family members to find an understanding and accessible support group. There are just too few who know and accept that it is a legal, personal choice.
A Collaborative Effort
Recognizing the need for such a vital resource, EOLCCA launched its MAiD Bereavement Group in February 2023 in collaboration with the Hope Bereavement Counseling Center at Hospice of the North Coast in Carlsbad, CA. The bereavement counselors there gently and deftly encourage each of us to talk about our loved ones and share whatever we want about our experiences. Over 65 of us have shared this safe space together, listening and sharing our stories and our grief. Each grief experience is unique, because each of the individuals in the group is unique, as was their loved one.
Reach Out
If you know someone who is grieving the loss of their loved one who used MAiD, please let them know about our ongoing MAiD Bereavement Group. They can also contact Lynne Calkins for more information, or to enroll.
They’ll thank you later.
“You made it easier to share than I expected. Thank you.”
~ a comment from a participant in the EOLCCA MAiD Bereavement Group
Lynne Calkins is a founding director and current board member of End of Life Choices California. She is also honored to serve as an active client volunteer. She developed EOLCCA’s client services volunteer program, launched EOLCCA’s MAiD Bereavement Group, and is a frequent speaker to a wide variety of audiences on end-of-life options. She campaigned vigorously for the passage of California’s End of Life Option Act in 2015.
EOLCCA supports a strong team of experienced volunteers throughout the state, ready to help anyone, anywhere in California with information and support regarding all end-of-life planning and choices, including aid in dying through the California End of Life Option Act. You can find comprehensive information on our user-friendly website. EOLCCA is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, and we rely on donations from individuals and foundations to enable us to offer these services at no charge to our clients. To support our work, find volunteer opportunities, or request an educational presentation for your group, please visit ways to help and make a donation. Thank you!