“Wingman – Escorting My Father to a Death with Dignity” By Daniel Zimberoff
By Christine Lynch
Wingman is actually two true stories in one. It’s the biography of a man who loved life and lived it to the fullest. It is also the story of a Parkinson’s patient determined to die on his own terms. Recently, I wrote about my husband’s personal journey with Medical Aid in Dying. This book follows the relationship between father and son on a similar, yet different path. For those living in a state where MAiD is not legal, or those with conditions or diagnoses that are terminal but don’t qualify for MAiD, this is a story about an additional option that some people have chosen to pursue.
David Zimberoff was a successful attorney and entrepreneur. A Russian immigrant born in 1937, he was a devoted family man with a controlling personality. He enjoyed perfect physical health until age 76, when weakening muscles began affecting his tennis game. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 2013.
His early-discovered symptoms were manageable with medication for several years. However, by 2019, his muscle tremors had greatly worsened; he’d developed instability, dizziness and mood swings. He needed assistance with basic daily activities, and also lost his sense of taste and smell. Worst of all, his eyesight was so blurry he could no longer read, his lifelong passion.
At Thanksgiving that year he first alerted his loved ones that he was contemplating what he termed voluntary assisted suicide. Because his death was not foreseeably imminent he didn’t qualify for MAID (Medical Aid in Dying) in the U.S.
He contacted Pegasos, a Swiss organization operating under Swiss laws where assisted dying is legal for non-residents of Switzerland and initiated an application to be accepted for the services they offered at some point in the future.
By 2022, age 83, his worsening physical symptoms had forced his move into an assisted living facility – which he hated. Two months later he renewed contact with Pegasos and moved forward to schedule his date to die. During the 8-week wait to process the paperwork, he changed his mind. Instead, he sought further physical, occupational and speech therapy, determined to give life one last chance.
He tolerated two more increasingly challenging months before he called his son (a retired Navy pilot who would be his ”Wingman” on his international journey) to say he’d rescheduled with Pegasos. Eight days later they left for Switzerland.
The trip was fraught with numerous delays and changes, especially challenging for a weakened man using a walker, who was fortunate to be traveling with his Wingman.
After their 9-hour red-eye they arrived in Frankfort, were processed through customs and then boarded a second flight to Basel. They arrived at their hotel mid-morning, only to learn that their room would not be ready until 3 pm. Some persuasive discussion yielded an interim room – but it had only a single bed for David.
After another day’s wait, during David’s appointment at Pegasos, he completed the required psychological testing and finalized the remaining details pertaining to his return in 2 days. David slept most of the day before returning to Pegasos headquarters located in an industrial complex, a facility shared with a photography studio.
After signing final paperwork, David was taken to a comfortable room with a hospital bed. There a physician inserted an IV of sodium pentobarbital into his hand. Twisting the regulator to begin the drip would be up to David alone. When given the ok, he did so without hesitation. In seconds he was gone.
Dying with dignity was one of several final wishes the Wingman helped his father to accomplish. His wish to “tell my story” resulted in this readable and engrossing book.
A coroner arrived soon after. There was paperwork for the Wingman to sign as well as some unexpected news. Only the U.S. Embassy could clear the body for repatriation, a process that could take 4-7 days. In the interim David’s body would remain at a local funeral home.
Unable to remain in Switzerland while government regulations were satisfied, the Wingman felt guilty for having left David’s body alone in a foreign country. However, he consoled himself with his father’s words spoken just weeks earlier – that he was leaving with pride and with smiles, grateful to be sparing himself, society and his family the indignity of his final days. He’d boasted, “I have a choice and I am making that choice.”
Dying with dignity was one of several final wishes the Wingman helped his father to accomplish. His wish to “tell my story” resulted in this readable and engrossing book.
Please note: End of Life Choices California provides referrals and information to those who might wish to investigate the “Switzerland option”. Please call us at 760-636-8009 or email us to discuss this or other options that may be available to you. For those interested in hearing from the Wingman, a webinar where he is a panelist will be held on March 25 hosted by Final Exit Network. Registration information can be found here.
Author note: Christine Lynch, an EOLCCA volunteer, is an East coast transplant, an avid reader, daily walker and obsessive Mahjong player. After retiring as a corporate Financial Analyst, she wrote two books about her struggles with Fibromyalgia and authored an online column called Tender Points.